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guide:effective_resolution

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guide:effective_resolution [2017/06/27 23:14] – [Behaviors to Avoid] toshiroguide:effective_resolution [2018/08/19 11:05] – ↷ Links adapted because of a move operation wes
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 ====== Effective Resolution ====== ====== Effective Resolution ======
-<WRAP center round important 60%> +If there is a disagreement with someone over a specific fact or incident, there is not always a clear-cut answer and the other person may not always play by the rules.  None the less, it is important for a number of reasons to stick to the motives and methods outlined below to properly resolve the issue without turning the issue into a toxic one.  The skills used are similar, though their application is very much the same.
-This article is a work in progress; It is currently not approved as canon. +
-</WRAP>+
  
-{{:guide:guides:objection.png?400|}} +{{stararmy:2018_two_warrant_officers_talking_over_tea_by_angrygrizley.png?300|Resolving conflicts peacefully}}
- +
-If there is a disagreement with someone over a specific fact or incident, there is not always a clear-cut answer and the other person may not always play by the rules.  None the less, it is important for a number of reasons to stick to the motives and methods outlined below to properly resolve the issue without turning the issue into a toxic one.  The skills used are similar, though their application is very much the same.+
  
 ===== Avoid Presumptions ===== ===== Avoid Presumptions =====
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 ===== Behaviors to Avoid ===== ===== Behaviors to Avoid =====
  
-In the course of discussion, there are a number of behaviors to avoid.  This is not a comprehensive list by any stretch, but some basic examples will be included.  This is more for you to better police yourself and see the direction a discussion is heading than simply a reference with which to call out other people with.+In the course of discussion, there are a number of behaviors to avoid.  This is not a comprehensive list by any stretch, but some basic examples will be included.  This is more for you to better see the direction a discussion is heading than simply a reference with which to call out other people with. 
 ==== Trolling ==== ==== Trolling ====
  
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 An example of this was the earlier reference to autohitting, but this extends to many different areas and is not always intentional.  Sometimes it is said in the heat of the moment and it does not mean that the discussion cannot be salvaged.  Words such as "never" and "always", along with other absolutes, are to be avoided when discussing the matter.  Overgeneralization serves to take the original complaint and apply it far more broadly, potentially to the point of insult.  Another example might be "You always side with X faction" or "you never let your character get hit". These serve to muddy waters and obscure the original complaint, even if it was potentially valid. An example of this was the earlier reference to autohitting, but this extends to many different areas and is not always intentional.  Sometimes it is said in the heat of the moment and it does not mean that the discussion cannot be salvaged.  Words such as "never" and "always", along with other absolutes, are to be avoided when discussing the matter.  Overgeneralization serves to take the original complaint and apply it far more broadly, potentially to the point of insult.  Another example might be "You always side with X faction" or "you never let your character get hit". These serve to muddy waters and obscure the original complaint, even if it was potentially valid.
  
-If you catch yourself doing this; you should stop and clarify your specific reference and feelings rather than let the overgeneralization continue.  Apologize if appropriate.+If you catch yourself doing this; please clarify your specific reference and feelings rather than let the overgeneralization continue.
  
 ==== Sarcasm ==== ==== Sarcasm ====
  
-Sarcasm has virtually no value whatsoever in such discussions and tends to be an intentional attempt to mock or demean.  Please avoid using it at all costs and note when a person is utilizing it.  Take care, however.  Some things that look like sarcasm may not be as clear-cut as they appear due to the fact that inflection does not work through text.  You may be misreading it.  Do not cast aside a discussion simply because of an uncertain perceived slight, nor should you allow yourself feel offended when someone accuses you of this by mistake in a headed discussion.  If you yourself are using it, stop and re-evaluate your stance and intent.  Apologize if appropriate.+Sarcasm has virtually no value whatsoever in such discussions and tends to be an intentional attempt to mock or demean.  Please avoid using it at all costs and note when a person is utilizing it.  Take care, however.  Some things that look like sarcasm may not be as clear-cut as they appear due to the fact that inflection does not work through text.  You may be misreading it.  Do not cast aside a discussion simply because of an uncertain perceived slight, nor should you allow yourself feel offended when someone accuses you of this by mistake in a headed discussion.  If you yourself are using it, please stop and re-evaluate your stance and intent.
  
 ==== Passive-Aggressive Comments ==== ==== Passive-Aggressive Comments ====
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 Passive-Aggressive actions are somewhat related to sarcasm in that the person speaking does not truly mean what they are saying, and it can often be paired with sarcastic statements.  Passive-Aggressive statements tend to be more clear, often with their true thoughts inserted into the false statement.  It could be something alone the lines of "Fine. I don't see why the staff always support you and your ideas and neglect mine, but sure we can do it your way.  It's always the only way, after all." Passive-Aggressive actions are somewhat related to sarcasm in that the person speaking does not truly mean what they are saying, and it can often be paired with sarcastic statements.  Passive-Aggressive statements tend to be more clear, often with their true thoughts inserted into the false statement.  It could be something alone the lines of "Fine. I don't see why the staff always support you and your ideas and neglect mine, but sure we can do it your way.  It's always the only way, after all."
  
-This is by no means healthy and is harmful to the discussion, but also points to an underlying perfection on the part of the user that their opinion does not matter regardless of potential correctness or that their point is undervalued.  It is not something to participate in by any means, but its nuances can also provide a clue as to the root of the problem the other party truly has.  If one finds themselves using this tactic, apologize immediately and voice your true concerns.+This is by no means healthy and is harmful to the discussion, but also points to an underlying perfection on the part of the user that their opinion does not matter regardless of potential correctness or that their point is undervalued.  It is not something to participate in by any means, but its nuances can also provide a clue as to the root of the problem the other party truly has or even as a clue to the user that they have a different issue infringing on the current one.
  
 ==== Shifting Topics ==== ==== Shifting Topics ====
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 Sometimes, when a person feels they are losing an argument, they will attempt to divert topics intentionally to throw the other person off-base or onto something more advantageous.  This is not the same as exploring multiple aspects of the same problem.  An example of this would be if an argument about "I don't think your shield could have stopped my weapon" devolves into "Well that type of armor is too OP and shouldn't exist anyway".  Some arguments may naturally progress along these lines, so it can be hard to tell when an intentional shift has occurred for this purpose, but it is usually not a tactic that has been planned out in advance. Sometimes, when a person feels they are losing an argument, they will attempt to divert topics intentionally to throw the other person off-base or onto something more advantageous.  This is not the same as exploring multiple aspects of the same problem.  An example of this would be if an argument about "I don't think your shield could have stopped my weapon" devolves into "Well that type of armor is too OP and shouldn't exist anyway".  Some arguments may naturally progress along these lines, so it can be hard to tell when an intentional shift has occurred for this purpose, but it is usually not a tactic that has been planned out in advance.
  
-This method and intent is to be avoided.  Stick to the matter at hand unless a larger problem is keeping your specific issue from being resolved and keeps you from proceeding further.  Do not try to escape or disregard a failed issue by escaping to a new one without cause or merit which warrants the shift in topic.  If you find yourself doing this, apologize and analyze yourself.  Are you really still arguing for your original point?  Does this new point have actual merit, or is it simply a fight to pick?  Do you have to step away and calm down?+This method and intent is to be avoided.  Stick to the matter at hand unless a larger problem is keeping your specific issue from being resolved and keeps you from proceeding further.  Do not try to escape or disregard a failed issue by escaping to a new one without cause or merit which warrants the shift in topic.  If you find yourself doing this, it is important to ask yourself if you are you really still arguing for your original point.  Does this new point have actual merit, or is it simply a fight to pick?  Do you have to step away and calm down?
  
 ==== Reductio ad absurdum ==== ==== Reductio ad absurdum ====
  
-This is the introduction of an intentional logical fallacy to try and make the other person look ridiculous.  One scenario would be a person who is hesitant to accept the latest changes to the DR system due to a specific concern.  An arguing party might state: "You don't support the newest DR system?  Do you intend to let this sight turn completely lawless?"  Now, the first person quite probably does not subscribe to such an extreme, but none the less is accused of such.  This is meant to make the first person look bad to their peers by the second, even though it has no factual basis.  Sometimes used by politicians against each other, it is an intentional tactic.  If the attempt is perceived for what it is and fails, it may be played off as an attempt at sarcasm. +This is the introduction of an intentional logical fallacy to try and make the other person look ridiculous.  One scenario would be a person who is hesitant to accept the latest changes to the DR system due to a specific concern.  An arguing party might state: "You don't support the newest DR system?  Do you intend to let this sight turn completely lawless?"  Now, the first person quite probably does not subscribe to such an extreme, but none the less is accused of such.  This is meant to make the first person look bad to their peers by the second, even though it has no factual basis.  Sometimes used by politicians against each other, it is an intentional tactic.  If the attempt is perceived for what it is and fails, it may be played off as an attempt at sarcasm.  Please avoid this one, as it is one of the dirtiest tricks in the book.
- +
-Someone employing it is likely unwilling to continue a reasonable discussion.  Please avoid this one, as it is one of the dirtiest tricks in the book.  If you find yourself using it, apologize and shelve the discussion for the moment, as you are clearly not fit to continue it at this time.+
  
 ===== Walk Away ===== ===== Walk Away =====
  
 There are times when no amount of discussion or mediation will resolve something.  There are times when the person seeks to cause trouble or just simply will not be reasoned with.  Some arguments exist not for the sake of that being argued but simply because the person has an axe to grind, though these must be assumed at the start to be in the minority.  Before allowing yourself to fight or to be goaded into a conflict, walk away or mute them.  This is not a victory for them, as much as a statement that they and their concerns are not worth your consideration if they cannot be articulated or discussed in a rational manner.  If needed, involve a moderator.  Do not put up with harassment, but show discretion in your response. There are times when no amount of discussion or mediation will resolve something.  There are times when the person seeks to cause trouble or just simply will not be reasoned with.  Some arguments exist not for the sake of that being argued but simply because the person has an axe to grind, though these must be assumed at the start to be in the minority.  Before allowing yourself to fight or to be goaded into a conflict, walk away or mute them.  This is not a victory for them, as much as a statement that they and their concerns are not worth your consideration if they cannot be articulated or discussed in a rational manner.  If needed, involve a moderator.  Do not put up with harassment, but show discretion in your response.
 +
 +===== Taking a Break =====
 +
 +There are times when we just feel like we hit a wall everywhere we turn or simply do not accomplish much.  Where we feel like we're always fighting or seeing others fight.  Do not be afraid to take a break from the chat to get some breathing room.  You would not be the first to feel the need to do this and you likely will not be the last.  Some people intentionally avoid the chat indefinitely after making this call.  If you do so, however, please do not try to shame the other person for making you leave or cause undue drama with it.
  
 ===== Conceding ===== ===== Conceding =====

guide/effective_resolution.txt · Last modified: 2023/12/20 18:20 (external edit)

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